Do You Feel Like a "Real" Adult?

This quiz comes from early work with the children from alcoholic/dysfunctional families. This is often referred to as feeling like a child masquerading as an adult, or being an Adult Child. The purpose of the questions is to give you a sense of how your Child’s fears of inadequacy limits your Adult’s point of view. Give yourself a rating of 0 to 5 for each. Celebrate any that you once knew intimately, and have long ago left behind!

1.   ____ I often guess at what “normal” behavior would be in social situations; how would a “real” adult act?

2. ____ I have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end, especially if just for myself.

3. ____ I sometimes lie, or hide my real feelings, when it would be easier to have told the truth.

4. ____ I judge myself without mercy that I show others. My mistakes seem worse to me than others’.

5. ____ Just having fun is hard for me. I avoid “fun” events; they often don’t seem worthwhile.

6. ____ I take myself way too seriously! People tell me to lighten up, and I don’t know what that means!

7. ____ I have difficulty being intimate, relaxed and open in relationships of any kind.

8. ____ When things change suddenly, I often overreact. I feel helpless or angry, uncertain of what to do.

9. ____ I admit I am always seeking approval and affirmation, even if I pretend to not need it.

10. ____ I usually feel I am different from other people. They got the “How to Be a Human Handbook.”

11. ____ I am super responsible. OR I am incapable of taking on major responsibilities and screw up.

12. ____ Loyalty to others has been my downfall. Even when it’s obviously undeserved, I hang on.

13. ____ I can be impulsive sometimes: eating, shopping, drugs/alcohol, overly trusting (or lying to) someone I shouldn’t. This locks me into a course of action that has no “off ramp.” I don’t see the terrible consequences that could come from this. This impulsivity has caused confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over my life, finances, and relationships. I then spend an enormous amount of energy cleaning up the mess--only to do it again!

It’s time to add up the score. Breathe, okay? The highest you can get is 65, and that would indicate that you are in Child or Protector mode much of the time. As the number decreases, it indicates how the Adult is taking care of each area. Give yourself some extra points for any question that just a couple of years ago had been a raging 5, and has settled to a kinder, gentler number!

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